And 5 months later...

Well hello there. No, I didn't forget about you. You know how life is, so forgive me for not writing.

It is after 1am, and I am having one of my "bipolar" moments - no, I am not diagnosed as bipolar, though some in my family have been and since, I have wondered if it is something that I will be cursed with as well. A "bipolar" moment to me is when something just is out of the ordinary for me and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it, such as right now. I am so tired. I was ready for bed and in it before 11pm. Then Brett and I started talking. I love these moments with him. Lately it feels like we are around each other all day but don't really talk (or get to talk), so when bedtime comes, we like to talk. While we were praying, I started to drift off, and not long after we finshed our prayers, I fell asleep. Unfortunately, not long after I had fallen asleep, I was woken up by a 5 month old. Rarely he will wake up and fall back asleep in a couple minutes, but I waited to see if he would. He didn't. My hubby offered to go change the little one's diaper to see in that would help. It didn't. So, not long after 11:30pm, I was back on mommy duty.

After Levi went back to bed (somewhere between 12 and 12:15am), I was wide awake. Tired, but awake. So, like I often do, I got on my phone and on facebook. I became captivated by reading someone's blog. Before I knew it, it was 12:45am. I needed to go to sleep. I layed there trying to close my eyes and drift off again, but just couldn't. Too many thoughts? I don't know...I was annoyed that I was awake. Annoyed that the street light in the park across from our house seems to go on and off every couple minutes. Annoyed that I was hungry. Annoyed that house noises I never seem to notice seemed loud. Annoyed that I was awake yet so tired.

So here I am. Eating some cereal, wishing I was sleeping, but wondering why I am awake. Sometimes when this happens, I choose to get up and read my Bible. These moments then become precious time with the Lord, and that is why I must be awake...the Lord desperately wants some time with just me. But, honestly, I'm not feeling that way right now. I'm feeling more of a need to just process. What, I'm not sure.

Ugh. I should just go to bed. Maybe I will eat one more bowl of cereal. Maybe I will read my Bible. Maybe I am bipolar. ;)

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