2012 Soundtrack (Part 2...finally)

Your Great Name - Natalie Grant

Our God - Chris Tomlin

Beautiful Things - Gungor

Forever Reign - Shane & Shane

The Stand - Kristian Stanfill

Come Thou Fount - Page CXVI

This Gift - Glen Hansard  This song is part of the reason that I decided to finish this list. Most of the other songs are worship songs. They are songs that I listened to over and over last year because they helped me to verbalize and sing praise to God (Jesus) that He deserves and desires from me, as well as my gratitude to Him. The song This Gift, I first heard at the end of the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green. At this time, I couldn't even tell you much about the actual movie, but the song really struck me. When I listen to the lyrics, I can't help but think of Jesus...the greatest Gift I have ever received.

Christmas 2013 is only 3 days away. Today at church, Luke's Children's Church teacher told me he had raised his hand today to tell everyone, "In 3 days, Christmas is coming to town!" It is an exciting time, especially for kiddos, because it is a time of waiting and of expectation...of gifts. I have a precious nephew who truly thinks he is getting a real Power Rangers sword based on the fact that he asked Santa for one. I hope someday he will also believe in God's grace and accept the greatest Gift.

Thank you God for Jesus.

Palm Sunday

I am overwhelmed today. But not in the usual, stressed-out way. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I was not expecting this.

Today is Palm Sunday, the beginning of Holy Week, the week leading to Easter, the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Yep, I believe that Christ died (Good Friday) and rose 3 days later. And I believe it was for me, for you, and the world.

We walked into Saint Patrick's Presbyterian Church (a little late, which is so unlike us). The kiddos were gathered in a room next to the sanctuary where they were given palm branches. During the first song of the service, the kiddos would walk a loop around the sanctuary waving the branches. Luke loved it. Didn't understand it, but loved it. :)

A little later, as I sat listening to the sermon, I was reflecting on many aspects of my life and my connection to Jesus. I am grateful for this connection...this relationship. I am 32 years old, and it is a relationship I have had for 13 1/2 years. I didn't grow up going to church, and while I understand the reasons why, I can't help but feel that I missed out on a lot. I hadn't heard of Palm Sunday until I was in college, and here I am this morning, watching my son walk through the sanctuary waving a palm branch, like the people of Jerusalem waved them for the Messiah, Jesus. Emotions.

I also reflected on the humility of Christ entering Jerusalem on that day. Not on a war horse, but on a donkey (Zechariah 9:9, Matthew 21:1-11). He was (and is) King! Royalty! Ruler of all! Can you picture the Queen of England entering London to go to Buckingham Palace on the back of a donkey?!?  It's just not what you would expect, and I'm sure His suffering, death on a cross, and resurrection from death was not what the people expected of their Messiah either.

So, back to this overwhelming gratitude...I am grateful God loves. I am grateful for Christ's death and resurrection, and that He is my Savior. I am grateful that He can be your Savior too. I am grateful my hubby loves God. I am grateful our boys get to grow up going to church and that they will probably understand more about the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and Bible in their lifetimes on Earth than I will in mine. I am grateful for His peace, understanding, and mercy. Emotions.

2012 soundtrack (part 1)

Home by Philip Phillips - I can't help but sing along to this song whenever it comes on the radio (and the boys always join in too). I didn't watch American Idol this past season (or hardly any other season for that matter), but my parents were watching, and they both liked Philip and kept me updated on him. This was also the same time my Mama Ruth was diagnosed with breast cancer and went through chemo. It took it's toll on her, and on May 14th, 2012, her body surrendered (with my dad, sister, brother and myself by her side). I had stayed in Iowa a little longer than my hubby because he had a marathon to run on the 20th. So, my dad brought me and my littles back to Colorado later. The final performances on American Idol happened to be finishing while dad was here, so of course he needed to watch. I came in from the back yard (from making smores) just in time to catch Philip begin Home. I told my dad then that it was an amazing song and could easily be a hit. ;) I have yet to get tired of it, but it has a sweet place in my heart and reminds me of my mom every time I hear it.

Me Without You by TobyMac - Another song that lifts my spirit and I just can't help but sing when I hear it. And Luke loved singing it, even when we weren't listening to it! :) "Where would I be without You?" A question I have pondered many times throughout my walk with Jesus, and one that I don't really want to know the answer.

Starlight by Muse - An older song that I continue to hear in various places these past few years. One night this year, I finally did a search for the name of it by using Google...I knew it was used for the  movie trailer for Crazy Stupid Love. Hahaha! Well, I found it, and it became a part of my soundtrack for 2012. Something about it captivates me.

Ho Hey by The Lumineers - Just a fun and sweet song! Love the unique sound. And I found out today that one of the girl band members graduated from the University of Northern Colorado in 2010. Kinda neat.

Some Nights by Fun. - One night while we were sitting at the dining table after eating dinner, Brett let me know that he wanted to show me a video of a song he liked. While I didn't recognize the song, I recognized the band's sound and knew it was Fun. (I had heard their song We Are Young). Now when we listen to this song in our home, we all can't help but dance or act like we are drummers. Just a couple weeks ago, I caught the Saturday Night Live performance of this song. I was impressed.

10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman - What a blessed and gifted songwriter. I know we will be singing some of his songs for eternity. This song reminds me sweetly that my earthly life is very temporary, to be grateful every day for God's mercies, and worship His holy name. The song grew on me the more I heard it, and it is another one Luke likes to sing along to as well.

Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave - 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. Love the rhythm. Love the lyrics. Love the honesty. Love the truth. And I was able to lead worship at a Cru weekly meeting this past fall. This was one of the songs I sang.

And 5 months later...

Well hello there. No, I didn't forget about you. You know how life is, so forgive me for not writing.

It is after 1am, and I am having one of my "bipolar" moments - no, I am not diagnosed as bipolar, though some in my family have been and since, I have wondered if it is something that I will be cursed with as well. A "bipolar" moment to me is when something just is out of the ordinary for me and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it, such as right now. I am so tired. I was ready for bed and in it before 11pm. Then Brett and I started talking. I love these moments with him. Lately it feels like we are around each other all day but don't really talk (or get to talk), so when bedtime comes, we like to talk. While we were praying, I started to drift off, and not long after we finshed our prayers, I fell asleep. Unfortunately, not long after I had fallen asleep, I was woken up by a 5 month old. Rarely he will wake up and fall back asleep in a couple minutes, but I waited to see if he would. He didn't. My hubby offered to go change the little one's diaper to see in that would help. It didn't. So, not long after 11:30pm, I was back on mommy duty.

After Levi went back to bed (somewhere between 12 and 12:15am), I was wide awake. Tired, but awake. So, like I often do, I got on my phone and on facebook. I became captivated by reading someone's blog. Before I knew it, it was 12:45am. I needed to go to sleep. I layed there trying to close my eyes and drift off again, but just couldn't. Too many thoughts? I don't know...I was annoyed that I was awake. Annoyed that the street light in the park across from our house seems to go on and off every couple minutes. Annoyed that I was hungry. Annoyed that house noises I never seem to notice seemed loud. Annoyed that I was awake yet so tired.

So here I am. Eating some cereal, wishing I was sleeping, but wondering why I am awake. Sometimes when this happens, I choose to get up and read my Bible. These moments then become precious time with the Lord, and that is why I must be awake...the Lord desperately wants some time with just me. But, honestly, I'm not feeling that way right now. I'm feeling more of a need to just process. What, I'm not sure.

Ugh. I should just go to bed. Maybe I will eat one more bowl of cereal. Maybe I will read my Bible. Maybe I am bipolar. ;)

:)

I got to take a nap with Levi today. Ah, the little things. :)

40 weeks...and counting

According to me and my timing, today is my due date for Baby Hullah. The other due date is the 9th, Sunday. Regardless, I definately expected this baby by now. I've also been having my appointments with the midwives on Thursdays. Last week I was so encouraged and already dilated at 4cm. This week, 4cm and discouraged. I was crying so hard on my way home that I had to stop in a parking lot to take time to call Brett, cry more, and eventually calm down. I still cried several more times today and felt depressed.

In spite of my disappointment and lack of patience, I realize these sweet truths: the baby is fine and doing well, and so am I (just no contractions yet); God's timing is the best; this is more time to give my attention to Luke and Brett. Sweet truths.

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens. Your faithfulness to the skies.
-Psalm 36:5

Unity

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
-Galatians 3:28

From Jesus this morning

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:27

Getting crafty

I have a blog!

Anyway, yesterday some lovely ladies hosted a baby shower for me, and it was such a blessing. But I want to share my "thank you" gift to these women. Coasters. The idea came from a picture on Pinterest, which of course I repinned, thinking, "I'd like to try that someday." That was just a couple days ago. :) Here are some pictures... First, the fall themed coasters for the ladies.Here are the coasters I made first (gotta do a test run, right?) for our home.

Yes, I was so excited to use these that I took a posed picture of an empty mug with this coaster (and my matching blanket (my favorite)). I'm actually using the coaster right now. :)

Here are the tutorials I used as a guide.

Hostess with the Mostess

Style Me Pretty

3rd trimester

Just took a minute to upload a pic of the bump. Third trimester, here I come!

Missed the moment

Tonight I found myself spending a bit too much time on facebook, so I decided to spend some time in a devotional book instead. :)

This is part of what I read from a book called "Jesus Calling" (thanks Jess)...

I speak to you continually. My nature is to communicate, though not always in words...I caress you with a gentle breeze that refreshes and delights you.

My heart sank as I read this line about the breeze. Not long after I had accepted the sweet Savior, Jesus, as my Lord (years ago), I found myself "seeing" God in places I had never seen Him before. There is a state park about a half hour south of where I grew up that I would go to with my parents (usually in the fall). We went for a hike and made it to one of my favorite points where I was standing on the edge of a bluff, looking over corn fields of Iowa, Nebraska, and Missouri. I felt the wind hit me from the direction I was facing, and in that moment, it felt like I was being hugged by God. There were other times I would feel this way, and I would acknowledge the Lord.

It was chilly, a bit rainy, and windy most of the day today. While I did acknowledge the Lord in other ways today, during the many moments I was outside (even thinking the wind was a bit annoying at times), I failed to remember His presence was caressing me "with a gentle breeze". They were missed moments. However, I'm thankful for this one. And I'm thankful for the Lord.

Hope

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.
-Psalm 130:5

The land of foxes and irises

On Luke's second birthday (May 26th), we moved. We bought a house across the park from the house we were renting, but it has twice the space (and a dishwasher, thankfully!). We love being on Glenmere Park...we enjoy the view from our front window (a friend named Phil called it "epic"), and we enjoy looking out the sliding dining room door to our backyard too. We have recently seen foxes running around our neighborhood, and I even saw one run through our backyard a few days ago! It makes me want to decorate a room with a fox theme. :)

This morning, I woke up before the boys (not unusual when it comes to Brett, but unusual when it comes to Luke). I took my camera to the backyard and took some pictures of the irises. The purple and yellow were the first to bloom. But this morning, I noticed some deep, dark purple ones and a single white iris (it's my favorite right now). I then toasted a plain bagel and topped it with cream cheese and strawberry preserves. I poured a glass of grape juice and grabbed my Bible, devotional book, and journal. I then sat in the rocking adironback chair Brett bought me back in April of '07 (I think that's the right year), read, prayed, and ate. It was delightful. What a sweet morning.

So many questions and fears

A lot has been going on recently...the school year at UNC came to an end, we're buying a house, I took pictures for our next-door neighbors, and I started another class with Illuminate Workshops. On top of all that, Luke (and eventually the rest of us) got sick this past week (thankfully, we are all recovering without any visits to the doctor), and we also cancelled a road trip we (mostly me) had planned.

Anyway, I came home last night from my "Passion + Profits" class ready to take steps to start a photography business. When I think about it, there seem to be several reasons to do it, and the top one is the fact that people are pursuing me to take their pictures or pictures of their loved ones. I don't charge anything, but Brett & even those I have taken pictures of tell me I should.

So, what is holding me back?

With my ministry/job with Crusade, I've thought that you can not have another job, with the exception of when you are first raising support. It turns out, this isn't completely true, but I need to talk to those "above" me about what this could look like for me.

Another fear that holds me back...lack of "education". In college, I studied education, not photography. How can I make a profession out of something I didn't go to school for? My neighbor tells me it doesn't matter...it's a craft. And like I've said, others have encouraged me to get paid! I also fear I have a lack of equipment...basic Canon Rebel dslr, one good lens, and photoshop elements for me. Can I really ask people to pay for my services when I feel like I should have "better stuff"?

Ah fear. I know you all too well. And Jesus (along with angels) tell me not to fear. So why can't I help but do it? Am I sinning? Am I not trusting God? Am I just not wanting to make decisions for myself?

These are just a few of my questions and fears for now. I'd appreciate prayer.

Treasures in darkness

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.
-Isaiah 45:3

This was a sweet truth that was shared during the women's conference I got to attend earlier this month for staff in our region. For once, I felt comfortable in my skin and not insecure. I think because of where I am personally and with the Lord, this was the best conference I have been to since I've been on staff (almost 6 years). It was sweet. And this verse stuck out. I began this school year full of questions and insecurities and in darkness. Even though I still experience dark places and trials, the Lord is using truths like this to show me that it's not all bad. Treasures in darkness...really? Yes, really. And it may not be the treasure I'm expecting, but one treasure is always the Lord. He is with me, even in the darkness.


If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, "
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
-Psalm 139: 11,12

Forgiveness

I love Jesus. Yesterday I had a counselling appointment, and I've been sharing my history for several appointments now. She has asked questions about my parents, grandparents, siblings, schools, jobs, etc. By the time the session was over yesterday, we were discussing my dating history and I only got to the end of my junior year of high school...when I broke a good guy's heart by kissing another guy and breaking up with him to date the other. Yuck! My heart hurt as I talked about it. But soon after that, as my counselor was praying for me, I quickly felt the Lord's Peace again. He reminded me of what he did on the cross and also reminded me of the sweet moment when I was a freshman at Southwest Missouri State and I was sitting in an auditorium in Hill Hall (with over 100 other people) when I first heard that His coming, death, and resurrection were powerful, were real, and were for me. I fell in LOVE with Jesus. He forgave me a long time ago, and even though there is still hurt when I talk about my past, I know it is just out of my own disappointment and regret, but not out of shame. My past and the lessons I have learned have helped to shape me into who I am and who the Lord is still changing. To sweeten this reminder, as I was driving home, there were two songs that played that were radio hits from my early college career. One was from Lifehouse (fun and full of truth) and the other from Smashmouth (just fun). I had the windows down and turned up the radio. I sang along and just delighted in sweet memories of my relationship with Jesus.

A craving

I'm about 13 weeks along, and I have not had a craving for anything in weeks. Tonight, I decided to actually try and plan some meals again. The first thing on my list...Emily's White Chicken Chili from the Cru Chili Cookoff '09. :) I need to actually print the recipe because I've made it several times, but always go to Amber's blog to find it. Thank goodness for the internet. ;) Amber's post recommends Fritos as a garnish. So, while I'm not making the chili until tomorrow, my sweet hubby is on his way to Safeway right now to buy me a bag of Fritos so I can start munching on them tonight! I'm really looking forward to my salty snack. The little things. :)

Papa

I mentioned grandpa. Luke started saying "Papa".

Actually, he usually whispers it.

My parents came to visit for a couple days, then traveled around Arizona & Utah, and then stopped in Greeley for a couple more days before returning to good ole C.B.

It was sweet to see Luke enjoying his grandpa. Even now, after they are back in the midwest, Luke still asks for "Papa." He's attached. ;)

From Jesus

"I am with you always."

Matthew 28:20

"The Lord's promises are pure..."
-Proverbs 12:6