Unity

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
-Galatians 3:28

From Jesus this morning

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:27

So many questions and fears

A lot has been going on recently...the school year at UNC came to an end, we're buying a house, I took pictures for our next-door neighbors, and I started another class with Illuminate Workshops. On top of all that, Luke (and eventually the rest of us) got sick this past week (thankfully, we are all recovering without any visits to the doctor), and we also cancelled a road trip we (mostly me) had planned.

Anyway, I came home last night from my "Passion + Profits" class ready to take steps to start a photography business. When I think about it, there seem to be several reasons to do it, and the top one is the fact that people are pursuing me to take their pictures or pictures of their loved ones. I don't charge anything, but Brett & even those I have taken pictures of tell me I should.

So, what is holding me back?

With my ministry/job with Crusade, I've thought that you can not have another job, with the exception of when you are first raising support. It turns out, this isn't completely true, but I need to talk to those "above" me about what this could look like for me.

Another fear that holds me back...lack of "education". In college, I studied education, not photography. How can I make a profession out of something I didn't go to school for? My neighbor tells me it doesn't matter...it's a craft. And like I've said, others have encouraged me to get paid! I also fear I have a lack of equipment...basic Canon Rebel dslr, one good lens, and photoshop elements for me. Can I really ask people to pay for my services when I feel like I should have "better stuff"?

Ah fear. I know you all too well. And Jesus (along with angels) tell me not to fear. So why can't I help but do it? Am I sinning? Am I not trusting God? Am I just not wanting to make decisions for myself?

These are just a few of my questions and fears for now. I'd appreciate prayer.

Forgiveness

I love Jesus. Yesterday I had a counselling appointment, and I've been sharing my history for several appointments now. She has asked questions about my parents, grandparents, siblings, schools, jobs, etc. By the time the session was over yesterday, we were discussing my dating history and I only got to the end of my junior year of high school...when I broke a good guy's heart by kissing another guy and breaking up with him to date the other. Yuck! My heart hurt as I talked about it. But soon after that, as my counselor was praying for me, I quickly felt the Lord's Peace again. He reminded me of what he did on the cross and also reminded me of the sweet moment when I was a freshman at Southwest Missouri State and I was sitting in an auditorium in Hill Hall (with over 100 other people) when I first heard that His coming, death, and resurrection were powerful, were real, and were for me. I fell in LOVE with Jesus. He forgave me a long time ago, and even though there is still hurt when I talk about my past, I know it is just out of my own disappointment and regret, but not out of shame. My past and the lessons I have learned have helped to shape me into who I am and who the Lord is still changing. To sweeten this reminder, as I was driving home, there were two songs that played that were radio hits from my early college career. One was from Lifehouse (fun and full of truth) and the other from Smashmouth (just fun). I had the windows down and turned up the radio. I sang along and just delighted in sweet memories of my relationship with Jesus.

From Jesus

"I am with you always."

Matthew 28:20

A new year has begun

Happy New Year from Denver. I am sitting in our hotel suite (and it's sweet!) at the Hyatt in downtown Denver. I'm not here just for me; it's the Denver Christmas Conference. I think over 1100 college students made it this year, and I've heard some encouraging stories from my hubby and Mark & Jess (a couple with a little guy named Isaac that are also on the UNC-Greeley team & our suitemates for the week). Unfortunately, I haven't experienced much outside of this suite.

It goes back to our earlier holiday travels. We drove around the midwest and were away from our Colorado home for 2 weeks in December. At each destination, Luke had some kind of sickness...a cold in Beloit, WI; threw up in Republic, MO; threw up again and pink eye at Stockton Lake, MO. Even though it was sweet to see some friends and family, I was anxious to get home and get Luke well. Over Christmas and for a few days, he had a fever and was coughing a lot which managed to keep him, as well as us, up at night. My worry grew. I soon also got a sore throat and feared that we had strep throat. After a phone call to our doctor's office, I felt some peace because I was told that kiddos Luke's age don't get strep. Not long after that, my throat began to hurt so much that I didn't want to talk or swallow. We went in to the doctor's office the next day (the day we were supposed to leave for Denver for DCC). At first Luke was diagnosed with an ear infection, and we were told he wasn't infectious (I asked...I've been looking forward to idea of using the childcare at DCC for a while). However, after they tested me for strep and it came back positive, we were told that Luke probably has the same thing, and that we were both infectious for 48 hours. AHHHH!!!!

So, Brett left for Denver later that night, and Luke and I stayed at home for a couple more days. Since we were no longer infectious, and I was a little stir-crazy, we headed for the Hyatt on the 29th. Little did I know that my coughing/hacking was just beginning. It has kept me (and occassionally Brett & Luke) up more than I would like. Actually, I wouldn't like it at all, and I don't!

Enough of that. I'll just wrap this up by telling you that my hopes and expectations for some sweet time with students and enjoying this conference didn't quite happen. It's a bummer, but it's not all bad. I got to spend my 30th birthday (on the 30th - haha! GOLDEN!) with my hubby, friends, & students. I got see the 16th Street Mall New Year's Eve fireworks just outside my hotel window. I got to see Luke finally get better (maybe I won't be putting him in childcare after all...).

Overall, I know I am blessed and God's beloved. I can't say I'm fully believing it, and I'm definately not feeling it, but I can acknowledge it. Right now, on this New Year's day, I am weak (physically, emotionally, spiritually), but I am thankful that my strength is not my own. I am thankful that I am not my own. I belong to God. He is my strength. And Christ is and will always be my Savior. Amen!

Celebrate

I don't usually pull out the Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving. In fact, I never do. However, I am hosting a jewelry party tomorrow and I wanted to have the house decorated. Also, we will be doing plenty of travelling over the holidays, so it's kinda nice to enjoy the decorations now.

I'm so excited to have a mantle this year! Several years ago, my mom gave a nativity set to me. I love it, and it just might be my favorite Christmas decoration (along with the stockings...I am a "gifts person" after all). The other day, I placed the nativity set on the mantle. I am loving this sweet reminder of the birth of the Messiah, the Savior, the Christ. I am so thankful for God's gift. So thankful.

Journaling

I am selfish.
I am sinful.
I am sorry.
I am saved.

In 3 verses

Last weekend, the speaker at Rocky Mountain Getaway (RMGA - a conference for students in the state of Colorado) challenged the audience to find 3 verses that communicate the gospel to them and memorize them during a time a reflection. The purpose of memorizing these scriptures was to remember on a daily basis or desparate need for Jesus Christ.

Two verses came to my mind immediately:
Galatians 5:1 (This quickly became a "life verse" for me after choosing to follow Christ)
Ephesians 2:8-10

Another verse that Ethan, the speaker, shared was from the book of Hebrews (verse 10:14):
For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

During that time of reflection, I came across the following verse:
When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions. -Psalm 65:3

The Word of God is true and powerful. What verses communicate the gospel to you?

Being a mama

I felt so honored today. I honestly wasn't expecting to feel that way, but I did. At church, Pastor Dean read to us the following passage from John 19...

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

A lot is going on for Christ in this moment...He's been betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, and He is taking on the sins of all humanity. And in this moment he tells Mary that John is her son, and tells John to care for His mom. He has honor & concern for her.

I heard today from our pastor that being a mom matters...it matters to God, to children, and to society. I think I needed to hear that.

Thank you Lord for loving moms (as you love all). Thank you that I get to be a parent with my wonderful hubby. Thank you for entrusting us with Lukas.