From Jesus this morning

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:27

So many questions and fears

A lot has been going on recently...the school year at UNC came to an end, we're buying a house, I took pictures for our next-door neighbors, and I started another class with Illuminate Workshops. On top of all that, Luke (and eventually the rest of us) got sick this past week (thankfully, we are all recovering without any visits to the doctor), and we also cancelled a road trip we (mostly me) had planned.

Anyway, I came home last night from my "Passion + Profits" class ready to take steps to start a photography business. When I think about it, there seem to be several reasons to do it, and the top one is the fact that people are pursuing me to take their pictures or pictures of their loved ones. I don't charge anything, but Brett & even those I have taken pictures of tell me I should.

So, what is holding me back?

With my ministry/job with Crusade, I've thought that you can not have another job, with the exception of when you are first raising support. It turns out, this isn't completely true, but I need to talk to those "above" me about what this could look like for me.

Another fear that holds me back...lack of "education". In college, I studied education, not photography. How can I make a profession out of something I didn't go to school for? My neighbor tells me it doesn't matter...it's a craft. And like I've said, others have encouraged me to get paid! I also fear I have a lack of equipment...basic Canon Rebel dslr, one good lens, and photoshop elements for me. Can I really ask people to pay for my services when I feel like I should have "better stuff"?

Ah fear. I know you all too well. And Jesus (along with angels) tell me not to fear. So why can't I help but do it? Am I sinning? Am I not trusting God? Am I just not wanting to make decisions for myself?

These are just a few of my questions and fears for now. I'd appreciate prayer.

Journaling

I am selfish.
I am sinful.
I am sorry.
I am saved.

Trustworthy...

Today God gave me a sweet little reminder. Luke has occasionally started to let go of things (like the piece of furniture he is using to hold himself up) with reckless abandon to come to Brett or myself, if we are near. This video where Luke pulls himself up on the ottoman is a small example of this. http://hullahfamily.weebly.com/1/post/2010/02/busy-boy-cont.html

Now he does it intentionally and with a smile on his face and a laugh when you catch him. This morning, he was hanging on to a dining room chair and when I bent down to pick him up to put him in his chair to eat breakfast, he did this very thing, and it somewhat scared me because I wasn't expecting him to do it or do it that quickly (but yes, I still caught him).

Lately, in the midst of the unknowns and upcoming transitions, God has been showing me that He is trustworthy, and this morning He used my son to show me that He wants me to let go of the fears or worries (I can tend to let consume me) and leap into His trustworthy arms. He'll be there. He always is.

I'm just really thankful for Him, and for Lukas too. ;)

Psalm 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
Psalm 91:2
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;