:)

I got to take a nap with Levi today. Ah, the little things. :)

Forgiveness

I love Jesus. Yesterday I had a counselling appointment, and I've been sharing my history for several appointments now. She has asked questions about my parents, grandparents, siblings, schools, jobs, etc. By the time the session was over yesterday, we were discussing my dating history and I only got to the end of my junior year of high school...when I broke a good guy's heart by kissing another guy and breaking up with him to date the other. Yuck! My heart hurt as I talked about it. But soon after that, as my counselor was praying for me, I quickly felt the Lord's Peace again. He reminded me of what he did on the cross and also reminded me of the sweet moment when I was a freshman at Southwest Missouri State and I was sitting in an auditorium in Hill Hall (with over 100 other people) when I first heard that His coming, death, and resurrection were powerful, were real, and were for me. I fell in LOVE with Jesus. He forgave me a long time ago, and even though there is still hurt when I talk about my past, I know it is just out of my own disappointment and regret, but not out of shame. My past and the lessons I have learned have helped to shape me into who I am and who the Lord is still changing. To sweeten this reminder, as I was driving home, there were two songs that played that were radio hits from my early college career. One was from Lifehouse (fun and full of truth) and the other from Smashmouth (just fun). I had the windows down and turned up the radio. I sang along and just delighted in sweet memories of my relationship with Jesus.

The gift of friendship

I've been feeling a bit depressed lately. No particular reason why. Just life, etc. This past Thursday night, we had dinner with some sweet friends of ours (Elizabeth & Josh). They invited us over & Elizabeth made a very tasty dinner & dessert (good ole chocolate chip cookies) & it was just fun to catch up with them about their winter break. I left their apartment feeling refreshed and even inspired.

Later that night, Brett asked me if I would like to go out for breakfast the next morning. Let's just say this doesn't happen on a regular basis. :) To sweeten the deal for him, I let him know places we could go because we had coupons! We decided to try a local place called Randy's Diner. We showed up, and almost every vehicle in the parking lot was a truck. We had a feeling we were going to like this place. We went inside, and I asked if we sat ourselves. The waitress confirmed that we should seat ourselves and that she'd be with us in a minute. As we began our quest for a table, I was looking for a high chair for Luke. All of a sudden, Brett stopped. It was like he had noticed someone he knew and was going to chat with them. When I looked at the table, there sat my friends, Katie (who lives in Bloomington, IN) and Jill (who lives in Omaha, NE). I've known them since middle school and Katie was my maid of honor. My mind wasn't registering what was happening, and once it did, I said "What the heck?" I also started to cry. I was overwhelmed with joy. My sweet husband had asked my friends to surprise me for my 30th birthday. I soon found out that another good friend from Omaha, Philly, was supposed to join them, but her precious little daughter got sick. It was an awesome breakfast, for multiple reasons. :)

On the ride back to our house, I heard the words from Brett that I needed to hear. "When I planned this, it was my expectation that I would watch Luke so you could do whatever you wanted with the girls." I felt so much freedom after hearing this. I may have even teared up again. The girls and I spent the rest of the day in Boulder...Celestial Seasonings tour (we got to wear hair nets!), Pearl Street, and a tasty Italian restaurant.

The next day I drove down to Denver (they were staying with Jill's brother-in-law) and we spent a little time at the Colorado Mills mall and then had lunch at On the Border. We all had also been watching the weather. Snow was in the forecast, and it had already begun to snow in Nebraska. Jill decided that she should cut her trip short, since she was driving. It was a wise choice, but we were bummed to see her go. I then spent the rest of the day with Kate showing her Washington Park, South Pearl Street in Denver, and of course, we had to stop at the REI flagship store. :) We then headed back to Greeley where we picked up the boys and then had dinner at $1.50 a Scoop. Quantity. Not necessarily quality. ;) Brett & Kate both were fighting sicknesses, so Sunday was spent eating yummy food at home and watching a movie, until it was time to take Katie to the airport.

Brett, in a way, gave me the sweet gift of friendship by arranging this surprise. It was a gift I desperately needed but didn't know I needed. My heart has felt so much joy by the thoughtfulness, kindness, generousity, and love of my friends and hubby, even though my friends are back at home. I am blessed with the best of friends.

Beloved

Listening to that voice [God's voice] with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my center words that say: "I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own as I know you as my own. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse...yes, even your child...wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one.
-Henri J.M. Nouwen (Life of the Beloved)

Floating

A water analogy made in Surrender to Love...

Surrender is the discovery that we are in a river of love and that we float without having to do anything.

Lord, I am SO thankful that Your love is based on You and who You are and not based on what I do.

Being a mama

I felt so honored today. I honestly wasn't expecting to feel that way, but I did. At church, Pastor Dean read to us the following passage from John 19...

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

A lot is going on for Christ in this moment...He's been betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, and He is taking on the sins of all humanity. And in this moment he tells Mary that John is her son, and tells John to care for His mom. He has honor & concern for her.

I heard today from our pastor that being a mom matters...it matters to God, to children, and to society. I think I needed to hear that.

Thank you Lord for loving moms (as you love all). Thank you that I get to be a parent with my wonderful hubby. Thank you for entrusting us with Lukas.

Hear His heartbeat

From Surrender to Love by David G. Benner:

According to Exodus 3:1-12, one day while tending his sheep, Moses noticed a bush that was on fire. Approaching it, he saw something strange. In spite of the fact that it was burning, it was not consumed. Now his curiousity was really piqued. He began to go closer. Suddenly an angel called out a warning-"Moses, Moses!...Come no nearer." Curiousity instantly turned into fear.

Confusing fear and reverence, some Christians think God wants us to feel afraid of him. They might assume that the angel's call to Moses was designed to teach him to fear the Lord. But I would suggest that it was designed to protect Moses from danger-the danger of a presumptuous approach to the divine that failed to recognize God's holiness. God didn't want Moses to stay away. Indeed he wanted Moses to approach him, because he wanted to share his heart with him. But he wanted Moses to approach him as the Holy Other.

What God next told Moses was that he was aware of the suffering of his people and longed to deliver them. He showed Moses his face, and it was a face of compassion. Quite unlike a god who wants people to fear him, Yahweh wanted Moses to know that he is a God of tenderness who suffers with those who suffer and longs for their release from all that binds them.

Discovering that God was a God of compassion, Moses began to feel less afraid. Fear instantly returned, however, when God told him his plans for the rescue. He was to go to Egypt and bring the captives back with him. Moses was overwhelmed with his inadequacy and the magnitude of the job. "Who, me? How could I ever do that?"

God's answer was the point of the whole encounter, the reason he had called Moses aside and shared his heart with him: "I shall be with you" (Exodus 3:12).

God does not want us to stand back in fear. What he desires is reverential intimacy. He wants us close enough to him that we know his heart-close enough to hear his heartbeat. He wants to look into our eyes, and he wants us to look into his.

Borrowed Book

Today Brett & I took turns watching Luke so the other could have some time with the Lord. During my time, I read from a book that Emily gave me to read because she thought I'd like it. She was right. I'm only to page 41, but it has been a blessing so far. Thanks GOD for time with You, and for deeply loving me (us). Thanks Emily for the book. ;)

"It is the experience of love that is transformational." - David G. Benner